


What Can I Get For You Today?

by nondescriptusername



Category: The Penumbra Podcast
Genre: Alternate Universe - Coffee Shops & Cafés, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Fluff, M/M, Misunderstandings, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, honestly it's just 5k of name confusion, juno steel has a sharp teeth fetish and he's okay with it, peter nureyev can't draw, this is lightly inspired by superstore, why is juno steel so oblivious
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-03
Updated: 2018-04-03
Packaged: 2019-04-17 19:48:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,013
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14196432
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nondescriptusername/pseuds/nondescriptusername
Summary: Juno Steel has a thing for the new barista at Dark Matters, and it's kind of a problem, considering he doesn't even know his real name.





	What Can I Get For You Today?

**Author's Note:**

> Sometimes you just have to write the 5K of coffee shop tooth-rotting fluff you want to see in the world.

Juno pushed his way into Dark Matters and out of the rain, pausing just inside the doorway to pull his coat off before he dripped too much on the floor. He never dared to make a mess here, even if it was just water- he would swear up and down Sasha just _knew_ whenever he did, and pissing Sasha off was never a good idea, even for someone with a death wish as well-documented as Juno’s. Sasha wouldn’t hesitate to ban him from her coffee shop if he did, and the only other coffee shop in a ten-block radius of his office was a Starbucks. Juno would rather die, honestly, then go back into a Starbucks. The last time he’d been desperate enough to set foot in one,  the look the high schooler behind the counter had given him when he asked for a large coffee was the most judged Juno had felt in his entire life, and he’d worn cargo pants in Julian’s presence. It was safer to just keep Sasha happy (or at least, not actively annoyed with him) and get his caffeine fix here.

He walked up to the counter, so preoccupied with trying to pull out his wallet without shaking more water off his coat that he jumped a little when an unfamiliar voice greeted him.“What can I do for you today, sir?”

Juno looked up to find a sparkling, cherubic smile aimed at him. He blinked, his brain a little shorted out by the intensity of that smile- he didn’t think anyone had looked that happy to see him since he’d brought Rita her TV a week after they’d opened up the office. “Um, large black coffee. To go. Thanks.”

“Two ninety-five,” the new barista said, smile unflagging as he rang up Juno’s order. Juno passed him a five, taking a moment to size him up while his attention was elsewhere. Tall and slim with loose dark curls falling around his temples, black Dark Matters t-shirt hanging low enough to show a flash of delicate collarbones- there was definitely a lot to look at. Juno noticed his nametag said Rex- unusual, but then again, Juno’s name was _Juno_. It wasn’t like he could point any fingers when it came to strange names. Regardless, Rex certainly wasn’t Sasha’s usual type of hire. She tended to favor people who, much like her, looked like they belonged in some sort of covert government agency and just stared customers down until they either fled or ordered. In the fifteen-odd years Sasha had owned Dark Matters, Juno still hadn’t managed to figure out if she actively sought out these people or if they just sort of automatically were attracted to her. Either way, the new barista’s smile was a marked change from the status quo.

“There you go,” Rex said, handing him back the change. “I’ll have it for you in just a moment over at the pickup counter.”

Juno nodded, muttering his thanks gruffly, and shoved a dollar in the tip jar before he headed over to the pickup counter. Thankfully, Rex had his order done as quickly as he’d promised he would, so Juno only had a minute to embarrass himself by staring at his quick fingers and lean frame as Rex got his coffee order together. Juno took it gratefully and left, though not without one more long look at the man over his shoulder.

 

Two days later when Juno went back, the same barista as last time was standing at the counter. When Juno entered, he gave him the same bright smile as before, and Juno couldn’t help but feel almost surprised that he was as handsome as Juno had remembered him the last couple days. “What can I get for you today?” he asked as Juno walked up.

“A large-” Juno squinted at his name tag, then at him, feeling thrown. “This might sound strange, but do you have a twin brother?”

The barista gave him an odd look. “No? Why?”

Juno shook his head. “Sorry, it’s just- I could have sworn your name tag said ‘Rex’ the last time I was in here, but yours says Duke. My bad.”

Unexpectedly, the other man smiled at that, something a little more vulpine than the smile he used when Juno had walked in. “No mistake,” he said. “I’m not terribly fond of strangers knowing my real name, so I switch the name on my nametag every day. To be entirely honest, most people don’t notice.”

“I’m a private detective, not some sort of stalker, I promise,” Juno said, trying to reassure the barista (Rex? Duke?), then winced at how incredibly suspicious he sounded.

Luckily, Rex just laughed, sounding delighted by Juno’s idiocy instead of creeped out. “I would never have assumed you were, detective,” he said, his grin definitely not cherubic any longer but more like the smile of someone who wanted to sink his teeth into Juno.

Juno _really_ tried not to think about how much he liked the idea of those sharp canines- he’d promised Mick he’d try to avoid people who started up his fight or flight response, not try to fuck them. At least, not anymore. Juno really did have a weakness for men and women with an active desire to do him harm.

“Good. Well. Glad that’s clear,” Juno said, feeling heat rise in his cheeks. “Anyway. Large black coffee, please. To go.”

“Alright. I’ll need a name for that though, detective,” Rex said, eyes glittering as he held up the to-go cup.

Juno looked around at the mostly-empty cafe, then back at Rex, who just stood there with that look on his face. Juno knew the barista was probably just teasing him about his name thing, but it seemed oddly dangerous, giving Rex his name. Like Juno was right on the precipice of something big, something he wouldn’t be able to bounce back from,

Then again, Juno had never had much of an instinct for self-preservation. “Juno. Juno Steel.”

“Juno... Steel,” Rex said as he wrote the name on the cup. Juno tried not to think about how much he liked the sound of his name in Rex’s smooth voice. It didn’t work. “That’ll be two ninety-five, Juno.”

Awkwardly, Juno pulled out his wallet and fumbled with it before pulling out a five and shoving it at Rex. “Just- keep the change,” he mumbled before moving over to lurk by the pickup counter, his face definitely burning now. This was why he had Rita to deal with people, he thought to himself. Juno’s people skills were, at best, described as “rough”, though normally less flattering terms were used. Sasha had once, in a temper, informed Juno that he had the people skills of a large, pointy rock, and he should just do himself a favor and duct tape his mouth shut when he went out in public. Right about now, he thought that seemed like a pretty good suggestion, and was kind of regretting not taking her up on it.

Unfortunately, Juno only had a minute to try to collect himself before Rex was calling out his name. He took the cup from him, trying not to notice how nice Rex’s fingers felt as they brushed his. He swallowed hard and looked up to find Rex giving him an amused smile, flashing just a hint of those sharp teeth. “Do come again, Juno,” he said in that ridiculous voice. “I’d love to hear about your detective business. It sounds absolutely _fascinating_.”

Juno just mumbled something in acquiescence and fled the store, not slowing until he reached his office. Rita looked up as he entered. “Mornin’ Mistah Steel! Ya need me to help ya make some coffee?”

“No, Rita, thanks. I stopped by Dark Matters on the way in,” Juno said, raising his cup so she could see it.

Rita nodded and started to turn back to her screens before pausing and turning back to him, tilting her head to get a better look at his cup. “That’s some nice handwritin’ on your cup, Mistah Steel,” Rita said, eyeing it speculatively. “What’s that underneath it, though?”

Juno looked at the cup to find his name written in beautiful and elegant curling letters- just like Rex, he thought to himself. There were also some odd little lines scribbled under his name, curls and circles and squares all in a line. Some sort of code, maybe? He’d told Rex he was a detective, so maybe he’d given him a puzzle to solve. “You know, Rita, I’m not totally sure,” he said, contemplatively.

Rita eyed it for another second before shrugging and turning back to her desk. “Well, whatever it is, you’ll figure it out, Mistah Steel,” she said confidently. “You’re the best detective I know. Besides me, of course.”

“I appreciate that, Rita,” Juno said dryly before heading into his office to work on their current case. (And if Juno spent more time staring at his coffee cup than the case file, trying to work out what it meant, at least there was no one in there to see and judge him for it).

 

After that first real exchange with Rex, Juno found himself going to Dark Matters more and more. He found himself memorizing Rex’s schedule, telling himself that he’s just keeping up with his observation skills, so it doesn’t _really_ count as stalking. Rex doesn’t seem to mind that much- like he’d promised in their first conversation, he pays plenty of attention to Juno when he comes in, always asking him about his latest cases, teasing him whenever he came in all disheveled after a long night of work. Juno started actually staying to drink his coffee, sitting at a table near the counter so he can talk to Rex when he’s not busy with a customer. And Rex always draws more strange marks on his coffee cup, though Juno can’t get any closer to figuring out what they’re supposed to say.

Rita, of course, is overjoyed that he’s getting out of the office more, though she won’t stop asking about the cause of his changed habits. Worse, she tells Sasha after she notices the sudden increase in Dark Matters coffee cups, resulting in Sasha making an unexpected stop by the store one day while Juno’s there with Rex. Juno half expects her to tell him to get the fuck out and leave her employees be, but instead she just gives him that all-knowing hawklike look she’s been giving him since they were kids and makes some characteristically vague remark about changing times and habits. Rex had just beamed his brightest smile at her until she retreated to her office, muttering something about account books and confidentiality, then promptly gone back to asking Juno about the latest case he’d been working (something about a lost cat that the owner thought had been replaced by a clone).

It’s just another one of his now normal days that Juno found himself looking at the newest set of markings on his cup while Rex is helping a customer. “One day, I’m going to figure out what this code means, you know,” Juno said to Rex after he had handed the customer their scone and came back to lean over the counter by Juno’s normal table.

Rex frowned at him, seemingly thrown by Juno’s statement. “Code?” he asked, coming around from behind the counter to see what Juno was looking at. “What code?”

Juno took a shallow breath as Rex leaned over his shoulder, so close that Juno could feel the heat of his body and smell the full force of the spicy cologne he’d only gotten hints of before. It was intoxicating, just like everything else about Rex, and it made it hard to pay attention to his question. “These marks on the side of my cup? I assumed it was some sort of puzzle or code or something, but I still haven’t figured out what it’s actually supposed to mean.”

Rex snorted at that, his expression morphing over from confusion to a look of mild amusement he seemed to have a lot around Juno. “Juno, darling, those are just doodles. That one-” he pointed at the scribbles on the side of the cup, “-is a cat. Note the ears, the tail-”

Juno tilted his head at the cup, trying to see the features Rex was naming. “Does it have six eyes?” he asked, a little bewildered.

Peter’s cheeks pinked a little as he responded dryly. “I never would have pegged you for an art critic, Juno.”

Juno studied the drawing for another minute before looking back over at Rex curiously. “Were they all cats?” he asked.

“Don’t be ridiculous, of course not,” Rex said, sounding exasperated. “Honestly, if you’re going to make fun of my doodles, I’ll stop. I just thought you’d enjoy them.”

“Don’t do that,” was out of Juno’s mouth before he could think. When Rex looked over at him curiously, Juno’s cheeks heated and he ducked his head, mumbling something about how he had them in his office and Rita liked looking at them when she was watching her shows.

“Well then. I’d hate to disappoint... Rita,” Rex responded, his voice low and... flirtatious?

Juno looked up to find him looking at him with that damned grin, and swallowed heavily at the look on his face. He wasn’t quite sure what that look was for, but he hoped it meant he’d bought Juno’s excuse and hadn’t registered the fact that Juno was an idiot who saved all his old coffee cups just because they had his crush’s shitty doodles on them.

“So,” Juno said, uncomfortably trying to come up with a way to change the subject before he further embarrassed himself, “how’s, uh... the barista business?”

Rex laughed and pulled out the chair across from Juno, draping himself over it dramatically. “Oh, Juno. I work in a coffee shop, it’s hardly ever interesting. Tell me about your latest case. Last I heard, it was- what, some crazy ex-girlfriend?”

“It’s actually a lot more nuanced than that,” Juno said, taking a sip of his coffee. “You see, I have this old- well, you could call her an acquaintance- Valles Vicky.”

 

The first time Juno came into Dark Matters all banged up from a case, it was a couple months after he’d met Rex. He’d actually been having a pretty good streak- normally he was hard pressed to go longer than a couple weeks without some stitches, or at least a black eye. Of course, when he finally did get hurt, it’s both, and a dislocated shoulder to boot. He’d considered skipping his morning coffee and just sleeping in, but he’d gotten used to the caffeine (and the company, even if he refused to actually admit that to himself) and the idea of going without both when he already felt so shitty is enough to get him on his feet, even if he struggled getting dressed with only one functional arm.

Rex’s smile dropped the second he walked through the door, and Juno hesitated, wondering what he’d done to put that look on Rex’s face. He didn’t think he’d ever seen Rex look anything but calm- even Sasha, who has literally made IRS agents _flee_ before her, hadn’t seemed to faze him. Now, though, he was around the counter and coming towards Juno quickly with a look on his face that made Juno want to run out the door like a kid who didn’t want to get in trouble. Rex stopped in front of him and reached for Juno’s face, making him flinch. Rex hesitated before reaching out again, his gentle fingers ghosting over the marks of violence on Juno’s face. “Who did this to you?” he asked, his voice dangerous despite his soft touch.

Juno shrugged and winced as the motion pulled at his shoulder, feeling his skin heat under his bruises at Rex’s unflinching gaze. “Chief of security at Northstar Park,” he said, brusquely. “I was checking out a case of suspected sabotage. Couple of engineers had died and the police were ruling it an accident, trying to close down one of the park’s big rides. I got called in to check it out, didn’t figure out it was her until she tried to get me out of the way.”

“What’s her name and where can I find her?” Rex asked, eyes glittering, and Juno had to fight to keep from showing the shiver that went down his spine at the way he asked that question.

“Yasmin Swift, and the Hyperion City morgue.”

Rex’s eyes snapped to his at that, his murderous expression morphing into something a little softer as he looked at him. “Oh, Juno,” he said. “You’ve had a rough night, haven’t you?”

Juno nodded, feeling the weight of his exhaustion fall back onto his shoulders at Rex’s words. Until then, he hadn’t realized how much lighter he’d felt at seeing Rex, despite the stiffness of his body. It scared him a little bit, knowing how much better being around him had made him feel- after all, he barely knew anything about Rex, really. He knew that he worked at Dark Matters, that he preferred tea to coffee, that he liked to people watch when it wasn’t busy- but he didn’t know the big things, like where he was from, or what he wanted to do with his life, or even what his real name was.

As Rex led him to his usual table and settled him there before going back behind the counter to make his usual, Juno couldn’t stop thinking about that. Today, his nametag read Shah. Was that his real name? For all Juno knew, he’d slipped it in one day without him realizing. Juno had noticed he had a certain fondness for names related to nobility- if his name was one of those, he could have worn it one day and Juno would have been none the wiser, since he still persisted in calling him Rex, after the name on his nametag from that first day. He knew that he could have asked Sasha for Rex’s real name, or had Rita track it down (he was pretty sure there wasn’t any information he couldn’t find, provided she had enough time and snacks and wifi) but it felt like a violation of trust to find out from someone else. He had this fragile sort of relationship with Rex, and even if Juno wanted more, it wasn’t his place to make that move. If Rex wanted him to know his name, he’d tell him.

The man in question settled across from Juno, passing him his cup of coffee. He studied Juno thoughtfully for a quiet minute as Juno sipped at the drink, watching him relax a little bit as the caffeine entered his system. “Do you want to talk about what happened, or would you rather I talked today?” he asked, finally.

Juno looked up from his coffee, surprised and grateful for the question. “You, please,” he said. The therapist he’d briefly seen after Benten’s death (on the orders of his high school counselor) would have had a lot to say about that- she’d talked a lot about how Juno had difficulty expressing emotions because he continuously repressed his negative experiences- but right now, Juno just wanted to be reminded that not everything was life or death, that there were good things in the world to balance out the death of a woman who’d killed two people and almost killed him so her daughter could have a life-saving surgery. The man across from him, his long fingers moving expressively as he told a story about a customer who’d insisted on trying a sample of every kind of syrup they had before ordering his coffee, fit that bill. Rex had a way of making Juno feel- well, he made Juno feel a lot, and for once, those feelings were mostly good ones. For that, Juno would happily listen to Rex talk for hours.

 

It was two weeks after the amusement park case that Rex had sat down across from him, a distinctly calculating expression on his face. “What are you doing Thursday afternoon?” Rex asked, his eyes sharp on Juno’s face.

Juno shrugged, sipping at his coffee. “Probably working until Rita throws me out of the office. The usual. Why?”

“I think that instead of working yourself to the bone like you usually do, you should come here instead,” Rex said. “At five, to be exact.”

Juno froze, caught with his cup halfway up to his mouth. Carefully, he put it down on the table, trying to squash the flicker of hope that had sprung to life in his chest. He knew Rex normally got off at five on Thursdays- was he actually asking Juno out? Since he’d been hurt, things had seemed different between them. It seemed like every time he looked up, Rex was watching him, an unreadable look in his eyes and a smile on his face, and it had seemed like every time he’d handed Juno his coffee, his touch had lingered longer and longer. “And why would I do that?” Juno asked, his voice a little hoarse with nerves as he looked up to meet those piercing dark eyes, hoping despite himself.

“There’s someone I think you should meet.”

Juno’s heart dropped at those words, and just kept dropping as Rex kept talking. “His name’s Peter, and I think you two will get along great. Honestly, I think you’ll feel like you already know him,” he said, giving Juno his sharpest smile, like Juno’s heart wasn’t in the process of burrowing towards China.

“Oh,” Juno said, unable to work up anything more to say. This- this was worse than what he’d thought would happen. For Rex to be doing something like this- trying to set Juno up, in the coffee shop he worked in, no less- the situation was clearly even worse than he’d imagined. He’d clearly been misreading what he’d thought were signs of interest, like Rex’s vulpine smiles, the long looks, the way he had chatted with Juno when he took his breaks, the doodles on his cup. It seemed almost silly in retrospect that he’d ever thought those were signs of anything more. He’d taken Rex’s kindness and friendliness and read into them what he wanted to read into them. When he thought about the way he’d flirted at Rex- making quips at him, the way he’d let his eyes linger, the thoughts he’d allowed himself to have about Rex’s long fingers and how soft his curls must be and those _teeth_ \- Juno felt nauseous. He must have made Rex so uncomfortable that he felt like he needed to make it clear he wasn’t interested, and setting Juno up with a friend was an effective way to do it without risking offending one of his boss’s friends. After all, he’d never even told Juno his real name- how could Juno have thought that he was ever actually interested?

Rex was still looking at him expectantly though, obviously waiting for Juno’s answer. Juno wasn’t sure what to say- he didn’t want to go on a date with Rex’s friend, didn’t want to go on a date with anyone but the man in front of him, but he knew now that he obviously couldn’t say that and he didn’t want to make the situation more awkward or make Rex think that he couldn’t take a hint, so instead he took a deep breath and said exactly what he didn’t want to. “Sure. I guess I can do that, if you really want me to.”

“Oh, believe me, Juno Steel,” Rex said, his smile growing bright enough to make Juno’s gut twist. “I _really_ want you to.”

Juno nodded, unable to work up any fake excitement, even for Rex’s sake. He’d never been good at faking emotions, any more than he was good at handling his real emotions, and he knew that if he opened his mouth, he’d just make the situation awkward (more awkward) for both of them. “Right. Thursday at five, then.” He said, standing.

Rex stood too, looking a little concerned. “You’re leaving already? You’ve barely touched your coffee,” he said, gesturing to the almost full cup on the table.

“Yeah, I, uh- I’m not feeling well. Something with my stomach. Gotta go and- uh- rest it up for Thursday,” Juno said, wincing a little bit at how off his voice sounded. “Thanks for- the date. With your friend.” Awkward. So awkward. With an uncomfortable wave, Juno booked it out of the coffee shop before he could make an even bigger fool of himself, leaving a visibly surprised barista behind.

 

When Thursday finally came around, Juno got to the coffee shop right at five, both hoping and not hoping that Rex would already be gone by the time he got there. He wanted to see him- it had been three days since his last visit to Dark Matters, and he’d found that he missed Rex more than he’d missed his caffeine fix (which was saying something), but at the same time, he didn’t think he’d be able handle seeing him and being reminded of how incredibly stupid he’d been. All he wanted was to get this date over with so he could politely tell this Peter that he wasn’t interested without seeming like a total asshole and go home to drown his sorrows in a bottle of scotch he’d bought just for this occasion.

Instead, he only found Rex sitting at their usual table, two cups in front of him. When Juno walked in, Rex waved him over, pushing out the chair across from him with one of his long legs. Juno sat, reluctantly, and Rex pushed over one of the drinks, which Juno stared at, nonplussed.

“Isn’t the point of a coffee date for the date to buy the coffee?” he pointed out, feeling confused. “I mean, I know I’m in here a lot, but even I can’t handle two cups of coffee at five in the afternoon. Shouldn’t I wait for Peter to buy me a drink?”

“Peter did buy you this drink, as a matter of fact,” Rex said, giving Juno a sly smile that only served to frustrate him more.

“Shouldn’t he be the one giving it to me, then?” Juno asked with a look around the shop, knowing he was being rude but unable to help himself. Seeing Rex’s smile turned towards him when he knew there was nothing behind it felt like having a knife shoved in his gut. Actually, basically everything Rex had done since he walked in the door felt a bit like that. It was funny how unrequited love did that to you.

Peter’s smile finally flagged in the face of Juno’s attitude, a hint of annoyance in his features. “Juno, don’t be dense. I’m Peter.”

“No, because I’m meeting Peter on a date, and you’re-” Juno paused, feeling like his brain was overheating a little bit at the implications of what Rex had said. “Wait. You’re saying- you’re Peter? The Peter who wants to go on a date with me is you?”

Rex (Peter?) nodded his head. “Yes, Juno,” he said slowly, like he was talking to a small child. “I am the person who wanted to go on a date with you.”

“Then why did you tell me you had a friend who wanted to go on a date with me?” Juno asked, feeling frazzled. “You said Peter was your friend!”

“It was supposed to be _romantic_ , Juno,” Peter said, now clearly frustrated by Juno’s response. “I didn’t just want to hand you your coffee one morning and tell you my real name like it was no small thing. Besides, you’re a detective. I thought you might have picked up on the fact that I’ve been blatantly flirting with you for nearly three months and been smart enough to draw the obvious conclusion.”

Juno rolled his eyes, still feeling annoyed and rattled by what was happening. “Yeah, well, romantic doesn’t really work for me,” he said. “And besides, you realize that’s basically how you told me anyway, right?” He shifted a little uncomfortably before admitting in a quieter voice,  “honestly, I thought- I thought this was your way of telling me you weren’t interested, you know? That you were setting me up with your friend so I’d leave you alone.”

Peter, who was already opening his mouth to snap something back at him, stopped abruptly at Juno’s response. His eyes softened and he reached across the table to take Juno’s hand. Juno frowned down at it, but didn’t try to pull it away. “Oh, Juno,” he said gently. “What am I going to do with you?”

Juno shifted in his seat, uncomfortable in the face of Peter’s kindness. “I don’t know what you mean,” he said defensively. “I just thought-” and then Peter was moving forward so his lips pressed against Juno’s, and Juno’s mind went totally blank.

Peter’s kiss was just like him- challenging, teasing, something Juno could lose himself in completely. He froze for a second before giving into the kiss, his knees actually going weak as Peter nipped at his lower lip with those sharp teeth before drawing back to look at him. “Does that clear things up?” Peter asked, and Juno was a little pleased to realize that the other man was a little out of breath as well, with spots of color high on his cheekbones. “Because let me reassure you, Juno darling, I’ve no plans to let you go now that I finally have you. I’d like to think I’m the only Peter for you.”

Juno just nodded, still reeling from the kiss. “Okay,” he said, then paused for a beat before asking, “So just to be clear, though, Peter is your real name?”

Peter threw back his head and laughed out loud before looking at Juno with a fond smile. “Yes, Juno. I’m Peter, Peter Nureyev. I’m so pleased to have met you.”

**Author's Note:**

> Come shout with (or at) me about these two on [tumblr](http://theotherofsteel.tumblr.com/).


End file.
